Old Wounds
by music-and-fairytales
Summary: When a case opens some old wounds of Stella's, Mac goes by to see if she's okay. SMacked!


**Hi everyone! So this is massively angsty and I never really write angst so I'm sorry if it sucks. It also hasn't been beta-ed so again, any mistakes are mine. Sorry! Oh and for those reading "A Demon's Desire" I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long but I'm gonna add a new chap sometime in mid-november. I'm about to start exams so I'm freaking out.**

**Mimi, Jodie, Alex and Dayna - you know what this is about.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! If I did I don't think I'd be wasting time writing fanfiction when i could be making it happen! :b**

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Mac looked up when he heard a quiet knock on the door. He signalled for her to enter and smiled as she sat in front of him.

"Lindsay! How can I help you?"

She sighed and looked down and he waited while she found the words. After a few moments she met his eyes.

"I'm worried about Stella."

He felt his heart sink a little as he heard her words.

"Why? Did something happen during your case?"

She nodded, a troubled expression on her face. He waited for her to continue but she looked down at her hands again and kept her mouth closed. When it became clear she wouldn't go on, he prompted her.

"Well?"

She sighed again.

"Our case today... it was a murder..."

"And?"

"It really bothered Stella. I don't know why. I think it had something to do with the vic's friends... the other nuns..."

His eyes widened slightly as it clicked in his mind.

"... the vic was a nun as well. We were at..."

"St. Basil's Orphanage?"

Lindsay's head shot up. "How did you know?"

"I saw the casefile," he lied quickly.

She nodded and looked down again.

"Well anyway, one of the older nuns there... Stella was really tense around her... always..."

_I bet it was Sister Marian,_ thought Mac bitterly.

"... and I didn't understand why because the sister was always so nice to her..."

"What was her name?"

"Umm. I don't remember. I think it was something starting with 'm'."

_Damn._

"Okay, thanks Lindsay. I'll check on her."

Lindsay smiled, relieved. "Okay. Thanks Mac."

He smiled. "No problem. Goodnight Lindsay."

"Night Mac." She stood up and left his office.

Mac sighed.

_I should've paid closer attention when I handed out the cases. I've gotta call her._

He dialled her number and anxiously waited as it rang once ... twice ... three times ...

"Hey! You've reached Stella. Leave me a message!"

He hung up and dialled again.

_Come on Stell, pick up the phone._

Once ... twice ...

"Mac, don't you dare tell me you need me to come in again. You just interrupted a perfectly relaxing shower and ... never mind. What's up?"

"Stell, are you okay?"

"What? Yeah I'm fine. Are you okay?"

He sighed. _She's already denying it._

"Mac, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong Stell. Lindsay came in here worried about you. She told me about your case."

"... Oh."

_Nice going Mac. Really subtle._

"What happened Stella?"

"Nothing happened. I'm fine."

"Stella..."

"Really!"

_Full denial mode. Wonderful._

"I'm coming over."

"No! Mac! How many times do I have to tell you I'm fine?"

"I'll be there in a half hour," he said before hanging up the phone. He hung up before she had a chance to argue her point, even though he knew she'd be angry later on. Grabbing his coat, he turned the lights out and left his office.

Exactly 28 minutes later, he paid the cab driver and pressed the button for her apartment. Her voice came over the intercom a few moments later.

"Mac, I'm fine."

"Stella, I know you saw Sister Marian."

"I'm fine! I'm not letting you in."

"You're forgetting I have a key. I rang the bell to be polite but I'll use it if I have to."

"No you won't."

_Damn._

"Just let me in Stell. It's freezing out here."

He heard her sigh and then a buzzing sound as the door opened.

_How am I going to get her to open up?_ He wondered as he climbed the stairs.

He knocked only once before the door was flung open and a very irritated Stella stood in his way.

He grinned. "Hi Stell."

"Ugh. You're impossible!" She exclaimed before turning and walking back into her apartment. He followed and closed the door behind him. When he turned back around she was standing in the centre of the room, one hand on her hip and her eyebrows raised.

"So ... you saw through my bluff pretty quick," he said quietly.

The side of her mouth curved up in a small smile.

"I know you wouldn't break my trust Mac. You're the only man I've ever actually _allowed_ into my place but I know you would still never come in without my permission. It's part of why I trust you so much."

He looked down, smiling and suddenly shy.

"Do you want something to drink?" She asked, breaking the silence.

"Some coffee would be great thanks." He replied, desperately trying to think of ways to bring up the topic of her case.

_I could just be blunt and come right out with it but that almost never works with her. She already knows why I'm here anyway. Maybe I should just sit and wait for her to come out with it herself. But then again..._

"Here you go," Stella said and she re-entered the room and placed the mug in front of him. "Black coffee, two sugars."

He smiled at her. "Thanks."

She sat down on the couch across from him, calmly sipping her coffee. He picked up his mug and watched her, trying to read her.

"Mac?"

He blushed and looked down. She sighed.

"Nothing happened."

"But that's the problem isn't it?" He said suddenly. The shock on her face was evident and she seemed to let her guard down temporarily. With a quick look in her eyes he saw she was angry, confused and most of all, hurt. He knew something had happened.

"What did she do Stella?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all! She acted like nothing had ever happened!"

_Ah. Here we go. Now we're getting somewhere._

"She was all warm and friendly towards me like nothing had ever happened! Like she'd never done anything wrong! Doesn't she understand how much she hurt me?"

Mac didn't say anything. He knew the background of the story, but he let her re-tell it anyway. _She needs to let this out_, he thought.

"I mean, life in the orphanage was hard, but she made it easier for me. I used to talk to her about everything. Everything that was on my mind, all my opinions on everything, and her life as well. She used to confide in me too! And even after I left the orphanage I still called her all the time and we'd talk for hours! I thought that nothing had changed. I loved her and she loved me! We were miserable when I had to leave but we knew it had to happen so we did what we could to stay in touch. But then she started keeping secrets from me. Stuff that I thought was important. No, it was important! She was getting married and she just didn't tell me? That upset me! She told me the day before it happened and gave me no notice or details or anything. I'd never ever heard of the guy! I've still never met him! It went on like this for ages and then she started having arguments with me all the time for nothing! She'd just search for reasons to fight with me! And it was so irrational but it still hurt so much! And then of course the pinnacle of all secrets! My parents! She knew what had happened to them all these years and NEVER TOLD ME! Even when I spent so many hours crying in her arms asking why they didn't love me enough to come and find me. And then years later she tells me that they were killed in an accident and their ashes were at her house. Her empty house. The house nobody was in ever because she lived at the orphanage with us!"

_I remember that_, Mac thought. _She looked so broken standing on my doorstep telling me her parents were dead_.

"That tortures me! I never even knew my parents but I still loved them! She won't let me go get their ashes and she won't tell me where her house is so I can find them myself. She said they were her best friends and so she wants to always be able to visit their ashes. She never visits them anyway! She's so selfish! And then I stopped talking to her and she stopped calling. And that's that. That was the end of it. And I was so angry at myself because I _missed _her! I actually missed her. But I just couldn't bring myself to call her or talk to her because I was just too angry. I still can't. But I still miss her. And I still love her. She was like a best friend! And now she's gone. And she's too stubborn to call me, even though she KNOWS she's wrong. She knows it. And then Lindsay and I turn up at the orphanage today and she has the nerve to act like nothing ever happened! In fact, she acted like she didn't know who I was. She was perfectly nice, especially to me, but she acted like we'd never met before. And as if returning to the orphanage didn't bring up enough memories for me, then she was ... ugh! Do you know I actually felt sick on the drive to the orphanage because I knew she was gonna be there and I didn't know what to expect? It just ... hurts. All of it."

_Wow_, Mac thought. He was furious. He couldn't count the amount of times he'd wanted to go talk to Sister Marian and give her a piece of his mind, but Stella had always stopped him. But seeing her, sitting in front of him with tears running down her cheeks, her body shaking and that defeated look in her eyes made him want to do more than talk to the sister.

"Come here Stell." He said, and pulled her into his arms. He could feel her shaking as she buried her face in his neck and cried quietly. "It's okay," he whispered, his sorrow for her almost bringing him to tears himself.

"Doesn't she love me anymore? I thought I was special. Doesn't she miss me?"

Her voice sounded so small he couldn't help the tear that escaped his own eye and he tightened his arms around her.

"She'd be crazy not to," he said quietly and kissed the top of her head.

After a while, her tears began to subside and he felt her breath on his neck as she sighed.

"I'm just so tired. Will you stay with me? Please?"

"Of course."

He then shifted their position so they were both laying on the couch, rather than sitting. He wrapped one arm around her waist and held onto her tightly, turning so she was against the back of the couch and couldn't fall off. He put one hand in her hair and stroked it lightly.

"Just sleep Stell. She's an idiot because she doesn't know what a wonderful thing she gave up. Just sleep. I'll keep you safe. Just sleep."

And he watched as her breathing evened out and she fell asleep in his arms.

"I love you," he whispered and fell asleep with her arms around her.

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